By Samantha Karagianis, Expert on Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
For people with toxic family members, the holidays can be a trying time. While the dynamics of each family are unique, even sitting down to a delicious feast can be fraught with tension.
If you find yourself in this situation, then protective strategies can help preserve your peace. The first step is to be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Practice self-compassion
Dealing with toxic family members is often draining, so the idea of spending time with them naturally provokes difficult emotions. Make sure to acknowledge these. Practice emotional intelligence and direct compassion towards yourself. Turn to whichever practices are most effective for you, such as taking a walk in nature, meditating, or doing yoga.
Next, remember that just because someone is a relative or even a close family member, that doesn’t give them the right to disrespect you. You have the right to protect yourself and your family. While you might not be able to control anyone except yourself, you can decide how much time to give to others, as well as what your responses will be given their behavior.
Toward that end, allocate time to figuring out what your boundaries should be.
Setting clear boundaries
If you have a spouse or partner, then have an open conversation with them about the boundaries you should set with family members. Additionally, make sure to agree on how to handle certain situations and establish subtle cues to signal to each other. The important thing is to go into the holidays as a team and support each other.
Next, communicate your boundaries politely and openly with your family members beforehand. For instance, you could say something like, “We will leave no later than 7 p.m. to get the kids home and ready for bed.”
Since toxic people often use guilt trips to get their way, it’s important to release any guilt you might feel beforehand. To thwart other manipulative tactics, don’t defend yourself or explain your reasoning. Simply enforce the boundaries you have articulated.
Model healthy behavior
By setting healthy boundaries, communicating them proactively, and disengaging from toxic dynamics, we not only protect ourselves and our families but also give our children the role models they deserve. This way, parents can teach their kids to reinforce self-respect without aggression. Doing the hard work today paves the way to a healthy future.
— Samantha Karagianis is a champion for women enduring narcissistic family members. Born in Sabetha, Kansas, she grew up in an emotionally challenging environment shaped by her father’s narcissism. The lack of empathy and constant negativity deeply affected her, but it also inspired her to break free. Determined to provide a safe, loving environment for her children, Samantha shares her journey of resilience, healing, and hope to empower those facing similar hardships. She has launched a GoFundMe to help with legal fees and support her family after her father’s actions created significant turmoil in their business and family.